This is a very real thing, it’s presence if far more tangible as I feel its pressure 24 hours a day on my ear. There is no escaping what is going on and this is making it much harder in some respects.
It’s more than being unable hear out my right ear, I feel it every moment of the day, and it’s tough to be reminded of it’s presence like that. It’s there every time I close my jaw. I can put my hand against my neck and feel it, there is no looking for it, it is there.
Look at the CAT scans and it’s clear what is going wrong, where there is supposed to be air (dark) there is a mass (light). On the left you can see my ear drum and canal, on the right it’s not there. Compare side to side and it’s not symmetrical and it’s supposed to be.
This scared the living shit out of me, it’s not supposed to look like that. Even I can see that.
Do I feel sorry for myself, I don’t think so, but I’m perhaps not the best judge of that. I have dark moments and I think that’s inevitable, but I do believe in my strength and myself. I do believe in the people I choose to have in my life and feel very fortunate.
I am lucky, I am spending the weekend doing something I have a passion for. The hospitality shown to me has been wonderful, it’s been much more than just a “race weekend”. The first five-day course of drugs is long over, I don’t start the nasty stuff again until tonight and that gave me three days to have fun. Yeah I still have to take the antibiotics, steroids and so on, yes I still need to nap (one of the bonuses this weekend has been to catch up on sleep) and be careful, but no blackberry, no checking in with work and that’s part of what I need.
5 Comments
Anyone who is a part of your life is the fortunate one.
You are supposed to be scared, we’d be worried if you were not. Actually we’d be worried if you stopped the bad humor, then we’d know it’s gone really bad. Now about your Macbook Pro, has anyone claimed that yet?
Matey, glad I caught up with you Friday. I think Maine 2012 is a goer, it highlighted on the calendar in the kitchen now. Can’t get much more authoritative than that.
Take it easy and I’ll speak to you soon.
I’m with LB (little bastard?) on this one. We feel fortunate to have you as part of our lives, you’ve been open about your mistakes and that only make us more so. You’ve changed a lot in the last couple of years, and it’s back to the Dave I knew years ago. The open, funny, sarcastic and unafraid to share who he is. Great weekend, we are fortunate to have you in our lives.
Haha…little bastard? Too funny, but is possible BGC!! 🙂