Dave Kean

I was reading Jeremy Paxman’s book “The English” a few weeks ago, a very entertaining and worthwhile read BTW. In it he attempts to define what “Englishness” is, he looks at stereotypes, how we view foreigners, the importance sport plays in our lives, the ability to drink tea by the gallon and most importantly for me right now, how our history and legend shaped us into the people we are today.

The English don’t have pride in our country in the way Americans do, it’s less obvious and very different. Smaller, a little more personal, certainly more ingrained and perhaps ultimately more powerful.

Our most important possessions were our steadfastness in the face of adversity, the classic British stiff-upper-lipness of stereotypes, and most important of all was our sense of humour.

I’d like to relay a story, someone had just had a somewhat significant racing accident, who and where is not important. I was one of the first on the scene, it was a big accident and his right leg was all but severed at the knee, clearly he was in trouble. Medical help arrived just as I was getting out of my car. The driver of the crumpled car was going into shock, but yelled that he’d lost his leg. One of the medics glanced in and knew that indeed the leg was too mangled to save, he looked at the driver and said something along the lines of “No, you’ve not lost it, most of it’s over here and the rest over there…” Not the greatest bedside manner, but perfect for the situation.

It’s understanding and being right for what was happening that was important. While my personal sense of humour is blacker and a little more twisted than most, the above was what the moment called for.

I have a strong identity that is rooted in where I come from and that’s formed a lot of who I am. Over the last couple of years I’ve lost or compromised a lot of what I believed, and for that I am truly sorry.

Last fall something happened, a line was crossed and I don’t think can ever go back. That moment drove a lot of anguish, a lot of compromise and a number of bad decisions.

The thing I’d been most fearful of happened, I’d been told it never would, but it did and it changed the way in which I dealt with some people in my life. There may be good reasons behind some of those changes, but ultimately they were not healthy.

Over the last couple of days I’ve spent a lot of time being less introspective and rather more reflective in my dealings with others. I’ve compromised myself far too much and in part that was driven by the events of the last year, have somewhat backed me into a corner and I made mistakes. I’m truly sorry.

One of the clearest things I got from Paxmans book was that throughout English history we, as both individuals and collectively have had our clearest idea about what we stand for when the going is the toughest.

Today the going was hard, emotional and from that I understand where I changed too much, and what I need to take back to become the person I know I can be.

I’ve talked of needing this change a couple of times and it’s my blog and I can repeat it again. This weekend has focused me on what the change looks like. It’s time to stop living with my crisis of self belief, accept where I went wrong, do something about it and live in the way I was brought up to. With humour, with character and with belief in who I am.

I understand the situation today, with far more clarity than I had perviously. It’s time for me to do the right thing for myself and those in my life to get to the place I want to be.

A friend said to me a few weeks ago “Life isn’t enjoyable if your goal is to always be perfect. The best times we have are in our flawed moments.”

You were right I was lost, thank you.

I miss London, it’s a place that feel exciting. It’s got museums, great food and wonderful nightlife. It’s a long time since I’ve lived there, 15 years now, but the excitement of taking the train “into town” has never gotten old for me.

In the last 15 years it’s still the same city, but the details have clearly changed. From the old peoples house the entry into London is Waterloo on the South Bank of the river. The South Bank has maybe seen the biggest change of anywhere over the years since I lived there.

Fifteen years ago it was something of a concrete waste land full of badly maintained brutalism architecture. The National Theatre, Haywood and the rest of the imposing South Bank Centre were in desperate need of significant work.

Brutalist Architecture at it's "best"

To the west sits County Hall, the former seat of the now defunct Greater London Council. Who were one of the biggest pains in Thatcher’s side for a few years, now a hotel/aquarium/tourist attraction sitting across the river from the Houses of Parliament.

Further East there was a series of largely unused warehouses, including the distinctive Oxo Tower and the empty Bankside power station. In all it was a place whose industrial legacy was on full display, and it was not pretty.

Today the area has been totally changed. The South Bank Centre has seen it’s much needed renovation completed, it’s a fantastic example of brutalist architecture that can be used every day. It’s got a number of performance spaces and a couple of great restaurants including the Skylon.

County Hall and the London Eye from Westminster Bridge

The Oxo Tower along with a number of other ware houses underwent a very sympathetic renovation and boasts perhaps the best restaurant in London. I had maybe my best meal ever there on my previous visit.

While there has been a lot of change, the biggest addition is unquestionably the London Eye. It took a long time to finally get to ride it, and was worth the wait. One time a bathroom break by my mother caused us to miss the final available tickets of the day. It’s spectacular, I’d like to ride it on a clear night. One day perhaps.

The view from the third floor gallery towards St Pauls

The former Bankside Power station is now the Tate Modern. The power station was converted in great modern art museum to house the Tate’s fantastic collection. The main turbine hall is huge space open to temporary installations on a huge scale.

The changes have all been for the good, the South Bank has moved from slightly scruffy and not terribly welcoming, to somewhere offering so much and maybe my favourite piece of London now.

So the headline in todays Daily Mail reads, it’s more than a little inflammatory, but this is a big game between two teams with history, a lot of history.

The actual quote was ‘Stupidly, the English have slipped up by finishing second in their group. A game like this against Germany should be a semi-final, not a last-16 tie.’

I’m not disagreeing with Der Kaiser about this being a big game that would be fitting for a semi-final, but it’s not. If Germany (like England) believe they can go far in this tournament, then the road goes through England.

I hope the game lives up to expectations, the sports pages of the British papers are certainly not disappointing. I’ve said before that I love the red tops, the news parts are often unreadable garbage, but they have some of the finest and most knowledgeable sports writers in the business.

I doubt there are any English supporters that need reminding, but here is a link to the video of that night in Munich that shows just how good England can be (and a little of the history behind this fixture).

Yesterday I saw the A-Team movie (and admitting to it). It’s not exactly an intellectual challenge, but taken for what it is was a decent way to distract me for a couple of hours. The body count was not huge by Hollywood standards, but a couple of the bad guys met with some spectacularly violent ends.

I know in real life people die every day, go to any date in wikipedia and you’ll see a list of people that died in that year or on that day. It’s not personal,  it’s just a name and date. We can click on a link, perhaps dive a little deeper and find out a little more, but quickly we turn the page.

Occasionally it’s personal; maybe it’s a parent, a close friend, acquaintance or lover. It’s surreal, it’s an unchangeable fact and the ripples will be felt through the years on both special occasions and random days. Birthdays, anniversaries, mother’s day and days that mean something to only you.

Many years ago a very close friend Steve was killed in a car accident. Steve and I shared an office, we shared a room when traveling, competed again each other and were incredibly close. Over a couple of year period we spent a lot of time on the road for work and I spent more nights sharing a room with Steve than his wife did (which is an awful lot less George Michael than it sounds).

Steve’s death was as sudden as it was tragic. His wife was three months pregnant with their first child and I lost my closest friend and colleague. Every year at the end of May I spend a few minutes thinking about Steve, it’s the anniversary of his death and I remember.

At the time I acted as though nothing strange was happening, after all, the world was still turning. I busied myself in the office, stopped sharing a room while on the road for a while and pretended everything was normal. All this was done in a pointless attempt to blunt the pain. Even though that was 17 years ago now, I find it sad that I’m never going to get another Christmas card or his daughter Amy will ever know her father.

Grief is a strange thing. I find that it makes an appearance at odd times, little reminders cause it’s to catch me by surprise. I’ve said before when I call my parents house and dad answers he phone rather than mum. There are many others and while the immediacy of the grief goes away over time, it still makes it’s presence felt occasionally.

I remember the cards and flowers arriving at my parent’s house when mum passed, dad would spend a few minutes every day examining the cards. He liked, actually we all liked, being reminded that mum was missed by others and how we were in peoples thoughts.

Parents and grandmother, 1990ish

We were continuously asked if we were OK, this rhetorical question typically follows the “I’m so sorry” statement. Sometimes it was asked all by itself. I’ve never had any idea how to answer, Yes, No or Maybe? I typically tried for quiet dignity, some kind of affirmative I’m doing OK, and a thank you. Reality was “I am not okay, but I’d rather you did not ask”.

I’m not sure if it’s just part of being British and actually living the stiff-upper-lip stereotype, but it seems to be very difficult to admit admitting we are not doing well. I am not okay, but I’d rather you did not ask.

So when does it all start getting better, when does it all end? In my experience it doesn’t ever get better. It slowly gets more bearable and incrementally the bizarre feelings become somewhat normal. It’s never really over, but we learn to deal.

Everyone goes through it at some time and everyone deals with it differently. Afterwards life is never quite the same, but the world is still turning.

I have found that some gestures were incredibly meaningful on a personal level, it was less about how I felt, more about what I need or most importantly providing a distraction, that hopefully involved great beer or good wine. Here are some things that people have said to me that actually did help:

What do you need?
What can I do?
Here is food.
Here is wine.
Forget that, it’s taken care of.
We should go to the bookstore
The 3P’s has some good beer on nitro, lets go.
Wanna watch Star Wars
Come by the office; we’ll go for lunch.
Here is candy.
Why don’t you write about it?

Sunday afternoon England take on Germany. A game with so much history, a lot of bad blood and what most English people consider one of the classic match ups along with the auld enemy and Argentina.

Last competitive game the two sides played was in 2001 and the almost legendary 5-1 English win in Munich. The rivalry has a long history going back to 1930, but it never really got going until 1966. On a July afternoon at Wembley an Azerbijani linesman said Geoff Hurst’s shot had cannoned off the crossbar and crossed the goal line, and that was all that mattered.

And England won the World Cup. The Germans (of course) didn’t agree with the linesmen, and to this day feel they were cheated out of the World Cup.

On a slight aside (shinny thing…) the linesman was Tofik Bakhramov and the Azerbaijan national stadium in Baku is named after him. Such is his place in English football legend that when England played a World Cup qualifier there in 2004, England fans visited his grave to pay respects and place flowers on it. Prior to the game there was a ceremony honouring him that was attended by some members of the 1966 team, including Hurst.

Back to Sunday, since 1966 the two sides have met 19 times. Germany have won 12 times, 4 draws and only 5 English wins. Only one of those English wins came in a major tournament,  1-0 win in Charleroi in a very poor game against a bad Germany side during Euro 2000.

The two Semi-final losses in Italia 90 and Euro ’96 live very large in the British psyche. Both were decent games that led to losses on penalties, and all English fans feel it’s time for revenge.

The only question is which pub should I watch the game in?

@EmmaK67: Watching England is a cure for constipation.

With everything going on I could not sleep, in a vague attempt to avoid counting sheep I was looking at the World Cup and the relative under performance of the European teams along with the solid games played by the South American teams over the last 10 days.

A quick drag through the results so far show that European teams have met South American teams 6 times so far and none of the European teams have been victorious with two draws and four wins for the South Americans. The traditional big European sides (Germany, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Holland, England and France) have won five games in total over the first 12 days of the tournament, and two of those were by the Dutch and one came against North Korea.

In Italy, England, Spain, France and Germany the top clubs hold the power, not the relevant football associations. The top clubs have huge revenues coming from TV money or rich owners with deep pockets and short timelines for results. There is no incentive in these clubs to develop youth academies. There are some exceptions; Liverpool and Manchester United have traditionally had a decent stream of players moving up to first team football.

The Premier league is the richest league in the world, about half the players come from outside England. There is little incentive to produce home grown talent it’s easier to buy in what you need. Judging by the actions of the owners of the biggest premiership clubs I doubt they are looking much beyond the end of the 10/11 season, let alone 4, 5 or 6 years down the road when the results investment in the youth side could show results.

The FA’s head of development is former England player Trevor Brooking; he has been vocal and clearly believes that neglect of the youth structure in England is contributing to the lack of world class players in the England set up.

The flip side of this issue is the big South American clubs. Even the big clubs like Boca Juniors or River Plate don’t have the finances to compete with the European elite. Because of this they are unable to hang onto their best players, this continual exodus of their best and brightest forces the clubs to invest in their youth structure to keep the talent flowing into the team.

Is there an answer? UEFA president Michel Platini is attempting to give the big clubs an incentive to investing in their youth system by enforcing a minimum number of what UEFA are calling “home grown” players in the squad.

Home-grown players’ are defined as players that have been trained by a club in the national association for at least three years between the age of 15 and 21. The nationality of the player is irrelevant, just they they spent three years working for a side in the relevant country. At this point it’s only relevant for sides that are playing in UEFA competition, not surprisingly it’s strongly opposed by the major leagues.

There is something inherently masochistic about being English. Every time one of the big tournaments come along we start to believe this will be the year, this time it will be different, it will all come together and we’ll mow down everyone in front of us like a coked up Rambo in a Vietnamese POW camp.

Some times there are even reasons to feel this optimistic. There are no shortages of performances that show us we have reason to believe. The 11 heroes who held Italy 0-0 in Rome before the ’98 World cup and of course that night in Munich in 2001 on the way to Japan and Korea four years later.

On those evenings we had glimpses of what England is capable of, we had reasons to believe.

This time was no different; I’ve spent the last two years watching a good team make qualifying look as straightforward as any England team I’ve ever seen. After the disaster of Erikson and failing to make Euro 98, Capello took over and with essentially the same players made it look easy.

We had reason to think that England could go deep into the tournament. No real stand out players beyond Rooney, some off the field issues, no set keeper and a couple of injuries all gave pause. Despite all that they looked like a team that had shown us they knew how to play together and make the sum greater than the parts.

Then there is what we’ve seen over the last month, two warm up games against Mexico and Japan followed by the first two group games.

I don’t know if it’s burn out at the end of a long season, on the surface a reasonable excuse as some players are approaching 50 games in the last year.

Interestingly it does seem that the European teams have generally underperformed, especially compared to the South American sides. But a majority of the top South American players all ply their trade in Europe and are coming off the same 45+ game seasons, yet don’t seem to be affected in the same way.

You’d have thought at after 40 years of World Cups and European Championships I’d be used to this feeling of underachievement and disappointment.

One World Cup semi-final and one Euro Championship semi-final (both lost to the Germans on penalties BTW) is little show for a life of dedication to the England cause. It’s not as easy; deep down a little optimistic part of me truly believes that England can do it, that it’s going to be different this year.

I think it’s the lot of the England supporter. We get built up just to be knocked down by the cold, hard fist of reality smacking us in the face.

A nice change of pace this evening after one of the worst England performances I can remember, the game I shall mention no more… OK, no more than once more any way.

Tonight was my first Mariners game of the year. Inter-league play with the Cincinnati Reds in town for a weekend series. I got invited and had no idea who was pitching and glanced at the standings for the first time in a couple of weeks and found the M’s were doing worse than I thought. Won 25, lost 46 and 13 games out of first place in a four-team division.

Safeco Field on a June evening.

While I enjoy baseball and certainly went through a year or two of going to maybe 20 games a year, it’s been one or two games a year for the last few seasons. Sitting in a three-quarter empty Safeco Field in the cold Seattle spring is not exactly conducive to a great atmosphere. Carl had a spare ticket for this evening, and it was time for a trip to Safeco Field.

Carl, showing what he assures me is his best side

And the “hydro races” on the big screen drive me potty. Three boats racing around a course and you’re asked to choose your favorite… At least the game where you follow the hat the ball is hidden under requires concentration. The hydro races and picking the winning boat is total guesswork and for some unfathomable reason the hydros got the biggest cheer of the evening.

I like baseball for the same reasons I like cricket, and it’s not really the game itself. You go there with friends, be social and watch while a story unfolds in front of you.

As with many American sports I dislike all the artificial rabble rousing that baseball feels is required to get some noise and create an atmosphere. I hope the Sounders have shown Seattle that if the team shows passion for the game along with an educated crowd you can dispense with the requests for clapping and yelling.

Spending years immersed in the European football culture (both passionate good and hooligan filled bad) and going to my first baseball game (Astros vs. Giants in the Astrodome in ’86) it all seemed very strange and rather forced. The Astrodome was spectacular, way beyond any other stadium I’d been too. The score board with galloping horses unlike anything I’d seen before and the game interesting (I had someone who knew baseball explaining it to me), however I could never quite understand the attempt at creating an atmosphere.

That’s my problem with the whole American sporting experience. Baseball is perhaps the worst offender, it’s a naturally slow game and that seems to be part of the appeal. As I said, I like how it slowly unfolds in front of you over a period of two and a half or three hours. However the same artificial sense of urgency is present in basketball, hockey and to a slightly lesser extent American football.

If you have a crowd educated in the game it seems unnecessary, football (round ball) has never needed it, even among casual supporter. Whatever the sport it’s clear when things are exciting, it’s clear when things are not going well. I don’t think stadiums need to tell the audience that.

Onto tonight’s game. Turns out Cliff Lee, the M’s top pitcher was starting. He pitched the entire game, only 110 pitches to get through 9 innings. He gave up 6 hits, struck out 7 and gave up no runs. Very impressive outing, he worked fast and the game was over in a little over two and a quarter hours.

Mariners won 1-0 in a very fun to watch defensive game.

Briefly back to the England performance. It really was atrocious, hopefully this gives Capello the kick he needs to actually examine the way they play. I’ve not looked at the British red tops yet (the more mass-media newspapers), but I’m sure they have plenty to say.

Wayne Rooney was upset at the England fans booing the team of the pitch. The team played with no energy, no passion and there was no excuse for that performance at this level. It’s very fair for the fans to make their displeasure known.

If this really is the best they can do, then they don’t deserve to go on. I hope this is the wake up the team needs, I hope Capello makes the changes necessary to do what they have to against a decent Slovenia on Wednesday, where nothing less than a win will be enough.

Stuart Pearce knows more than anyone what pulling on the three lions should mean, if the players don’t get that, if they don’t understand how big a stage this is and the millions of people that this matters too then they should not be on the field.

That’s it, I’ve said my piece about England’s performance against Algeria, not going to mention it again.

Last Saturday lunchtime Englishmen all over North America pulled on the three lions, went to the bar, sang Go Save the Queen and expected England to do the business over the hosts.

The Three Lions pub in Redmond was full to brimming, there were hundreds at the George and Dragon in Fremont and the story was repeated all over Seattle and North America.

Here is the basics, England invented football. Americans don’t like football, they don’t even call it football, they use the “S” word. In Seattle football competes with baseball and a game called football.

Us English, on the other hand, live and die the game, it’s important and we see the three lions as an extension of who we are. The whole idea of being beaten at ‘our’ game by the Americans is just about the greatest shame I can imagine. It’s not only the result on the field; it’s the ribbing at work and the piss taking from friends. It would be bad.

In 2010 it’s no longer true to say football is a game that does not interest Americans, it does. Also it’s a game that the Americans are rather good at, Landon Donovan may be the first world class player to come out of the US youth system, and its got the potential to be a rich source of good players.

The MLS Championship game does not hold the appeal of the World Series (named because it was originally sponsored by the ‘The World’ newspaper) or the Super Bowl. But last year in Seattle there was 45,000 knowledgeable fans there for the game.

Love of the game

In 1994 the US hosted the World Cup (England did not make it, look for “Graham Taylor impossible job” on youtube, it’s worth it) in 1996 the US launched Major League Soccer (MLS) as the top-level league in the US. MLS had some slightly rocky times in the first few years, but seems to be doing OK now. There are 16 teams, and over the next two years adds three more. There are quite a few “soccer specific stadiums” and the league as a whole (led by Seattle, LA and Toronto) should make a small profit this year or next. Something way beyond the premier league.

The average attendance for MLS is approaching 20,000, similar to the Coca-cola championship. Seattle play to 36,000 every game, Toronto sell out 22,000 each home game and are looking to expand their stadium.

The youth system is huge, for kids football is the number 1 participation sport in the USA. Having been part of the set up in Washington State as a coach, it’s well organized with a lot of good coaches for the kids that are good enough. It is aimed at preparing kids for college; there is no real club academy system for the elite kids. The truth is last Saturday’s game was not just about Robert Green’s mistake. England had the entire second half to score another goal and could not do so.

And the United States were well worth the draw.

Just before the disastrous US run at World Cup in 1998 (and before the failure of the US team to beat Iran) the US Soccer Federation unveiled “Project 2010″. A 12 year, $50 million project to pave the way for the US to win the World Cup in 2010. I do think the US should qualify for the finals every time. Looking at CONCACAF it should be US, Mexico (the only real rival for the US team in the confederation) plus one or two of whichever of the other Central American or Caribbean teams are having a good run of form. Four years ago it was Costa Rica and Trinidad and Tobago, this time it’s Honduras that gets a trip to the finals.

This does lead to the US having a somewhat inflated FIFA ranking and I get that me saying the “US should qualify… every time” is a bold statement, but with the resources they have to pull from and the opposition in CONCACAF there would be no excure for not making the finals every time. 16 years ago it was different and qualification was not a sure thing, and now it’s expected and that’s progress.

When “Project 2010″ was started consistent qualification was about where the US team was at, but today there seems little ambition beyond that. The US has a few outfield players consistently playing their club football in Europe. Landon Donovan is the best player to emerge from the US youth system, a good player who did well at Everton. He has direct style that works well in the MLS and suits the Premier League OK, but I think he would be found technically wanting in Italy or Spain.

The remains of “Project 2010″ carry on today as the “Generation Adidas” program. Generation Adidas is a venture between MLS and USSF and has been very successful in identifying and helping younger players prepare for playing professionally.

The first generation of players coming though the revamped system (led by Beasley and Donovan) made it to the last 8 in the 2002 World Cup, before loosing out to a good German side. This showed a lot of progress in a just 8 years, from happy to be there, to giving an established side a good run in the knock out phase.

So with all of this in place and a couple of generations of players coming through the revamped system, is just qualifying for the World cup every four years enough? If fans expect more than just being there, then the question becomes why does the US struggle against well drilled sides?

Clearly on the day the US can beat anyone, but the flip side of this, they can be beaten by anyone on their day. And that’s a problem.